We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
