By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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