two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
