A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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