yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
