please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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