Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize