i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
