Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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