hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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