so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
