I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
