After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize