I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
