Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
