on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
it was like having sex with a tree stump
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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