i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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