I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize