i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
