they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
