Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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