Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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