dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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