If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
