Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
