I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
