Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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