grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
