so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
