i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
