So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
