Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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