I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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