i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
please come you make the beer taste better
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
