yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
