i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
