Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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