I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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