there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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