But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
why do cheetos always look like penises
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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