How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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