On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
