I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize