well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
