My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He better not be in your backpack
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
