My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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