If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
