6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
