i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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