the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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