I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
