You just made me feel so damn special
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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