How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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