I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
