is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
