: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
