I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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