you win again, gameday.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
