i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
