I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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