I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
