eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
