he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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