Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
The power of my boobs compel you
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
