I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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