Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
