Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
