Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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