I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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